Envy...the new oxygen?

DISCLAIMER: All opinions/ideas/solutions mentioned in this posts are by-products of an ignorant mind hence if you drag me to the court of law I shall stick out my tongue and chant "ITS MY OPINION, LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT" but you are more than welcome to disagree. This post is written while holding all the other possible factors effecting the situation constant, for those who know economics, can identify it as Ceteris Paribus (while rest google it). And POSITIVE criticism is always welcome. 

By far the era that we now live in is the most civilized one, and is to some extent, an epitome of human advancement. But if we look in closely, has anything really changed? Have we given up on the vices that have been stigmatizing humanity from the very beginning, such as lying, cheating, stealing, backbiting, murdering, greediness, selfishness, ruthlessness, and along with the never ending list our old friend- envy? 

Giving up is exactly the opposite of what we have done. The so called human evolution has only changed the circumstances, not the well rooted traits. The only difference is that now we quip about others over a cup of coffee or while grabbing a bite at our favorite food joint rather than doing so in our not-so-comfy caves and over our freshly hunted meals. We have gone to the extent of shamelessly concealing our habit of backbiting by giving it fun names like "Gossip Sessions". Now you must be wondering that this post was about envy where did gossiping come from? Well here is the twist, in my very small opinion from which you are most welcome to differ with, backbiting and envy are like heart and body, one can't exist without the other. Ever wonder why do we feel the need to talk about someone or something someone is doing even though it has nothing to do with us? 

I guess we do so as somewhere in the back of our minds it's something we would like to do ourself but can't, or may be because we consider that person better off than us in some way or more liberated or perhaps a projection of our ideal self or maybe their behavior isn't that different from ours, something we might do ourself if we weren't barred from it. Nobody, I repeat nobody talks about anyone just for the sake of fun or without hidden insecurities, there is always a reason. The most common one is envy. I know, sometimes we talk about things on factual and situational basis which is totally fine, but I am not referring to those rare miraculous instances here. 

Believe it or not we do get envious of each other consciously or unconsciously. It's like second nature to us for crying out loud! Why do you think the world has become such a bitter place to live in? And this doesn't only apply to common individuals, I will go to the extent of saying nations envy nations. Or what else could explain today's perplexed state of humanity? You don't kill just for mere fun, there is always a reason. You don't attack your neighbors just because you felt like it, there is always a reason. You don't get into someone else's dirty laundry just because you are too kind hearted, there is always a reason. You don't get frustrated over certain things for absolutely no reason, like I said before there is always a reason. A reason that we never accept, a reason that we might not know ourself, a reason that makes us do vile things just because of the insecurities we harbor, a reason that seemingly turns all the wrongs in to right, a reason that is eating us all up on the inside- Envy, envy and more envy. 

I am not saying that's the only thing, as I am discussing only this topic for now hence emphasizing on it. So what's the solution for it? What spell shall we cast to make it all go away and live happily ever after? To begin with there is no easy way of doing this and making it all go away overnight. After all finding, acknowledging & correcting one's own flaw hasn't always been our strongest suit. So where to begin with? For starters with just a little time alone with ourselves, trying to look into the thoughts preoccupying our mind, the opinions we have about others, gossips we can't wait to share with our best friend and most importantly why exactly do we hate the person we hate, got a solid reason for it or just because he or she is doing what you always wanted to do? Or is it the fear of that person being better off than us or simply the fear of something that isn't real, just a result of us looking for problems where none exist? 

Sorry if I have hit a raw nerve anywhere up there but I felt the need of letting this out. Whether it made a little or no sense whatsoever. 

The story of me.

Are there people who can affirmatively say "I got it all figured it out!"? If yes then I would really love to meet them. Apart from having everything under control & on track, one can't help but wonder why am I doing all this? Where am I heading? Why even bother? And most importantly what's the meaning of all this? 

Let's start from the very beginning, well not the very beginning as i don't have recollection of any of it, naturally. From as far as memory serves while growing up I never did anything for my own self, something self initialized, something with the sheer purpose of self fulfillment. From being paraded through middle school to being dragged out of high school and finally being shoved into college, one thing remained constant- I didn't belong anywhere. While harnessing the quest of being the shinning star at heart and a mind constantly bustling with ideas & thoughts, the state of gloominess never changed. While knowing I am better than the rest but failing apparently is nothing but torture. I suppose it's simple either I am a genius or a depressed soul in desperate need of psychiatric attention. And to finally throw in the burning question-who am I? What makes me happy, what actually fulfills me, what is my niche, where would I fit in perfectly...?! Being a 23 year old I should have at least figured out the part that where I fit in. But here I am bewildered & clueless probably waiting for someone to drag me by my the arm to my destiny. 

Moving beyond book blogging, to the tyranny called life.

It's more like stating the obvious but I have to say it out loud for once and for all. As my infrequent and extremely rare book reviews suggest, sheer book blogging isn't for me! (Ta-da!!!!) Hence I have come to the decision that this blog can't be just about book reviews (duh!) While I have been away from blogging I hadn't stopped reading (obviously!!) but have actually found reading for blogging kind of exhausting. Reading is who I am and what I do just for myself, can't really do it when I am SUPPOSED to do it. Plus sharing how I exactly feel about each and every book I read isn't my cup of tea either. And don't get me started on my ever changing choice of genres, I might be reading wolf of Wall Street in the morning and Rumi by night! Yeah, I am quite unpredictable. Sometimes I read books that I want to say a billion things about, sometimes I read the sort that render me dumbfound and at a total loss of words while some just make me wonder why I wasted my time and money, while some move me beyond my imagination and finally some that I don't have any opinion about and can't really force one either. Does any of it makes any sense? I hope it does.

So from now on I myself don't exactly know what this blog is going to be. I guess it's about life-as it happens. It will be still about books combined with some rambling about life, some thoughts that I am dying to put out of my head into the infinity called Internet, a bit about few new found passions (like photography/traveling/makeup/current affairs/history & God knows what). So guys, hang in there with me...that is if anyone is even reading. Seriously does anyone really read any of it?

Okay that's enough for now. Name and description change will be updated soon enough. Till then, thanks for tolerating!

The Fault In Our Stars

Warning: The person writing this post is emotionally paralyzed at the moment, hence anything said and done in this condition shall not be held against them. 

Needless to say this book will leave you dumbfounded and depressed, not just any kind of depressed- staying in bed all day long and hogging on an ice cream tub kind of depressed. It was a really bumpy roller coaster ride of emotions which is set to leave you speechless. Right when you need a little more of it, it ends, and that too at a very heartbreaking note. 

Extremely engaging and a beautiful blend of humor, tragedy, love and sorrow. Might deny you the happy ending you wish for, but yet who actually gets a desired happy ending? As limited as their time was, their story was eternal and as phrased by hazel "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities..you gave me a forever with in numbered days". 

The plot is fairly simple- A young teenage girl who has been diagnosed with lung cancer attends a cancer support group where she meets a young boy named Augustus Waters. Augustus has had osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer which costed him one of his legs. He is a gorgeous, charming, witty, confident, intelligent guy who always loses video games because he tries to
save everyone, while she is a smart, snarky, quick-witted, well-spoken girl. They quickly connected and a smartly crafted intellectual explosion of romance follows. Together they embark on a journey to Amsterdam which might be the best and the worst time of their lives.

The dialogues are a concoction of humor & intelligence and are exquisitely phrased. Loved the way how the Big Questions of life like oblivion, meaning of life, mystery of universe, human behavior etcectra have been dealt with such prose and humor. His portrayal of their disease and their casual perspective about it might change the way we think and treat the people who are going through it. As the book draws to its end one wonders that what is left to be said, how would it end, there can't possibly be another twist but as you reach the end I promise it would leave you crying and emotionally paralyzed.

I think I will never get over this particular paragraph ever.

P.S you might need more than one box of tissues to make it through Hazel and Augustus's heartrending journey. 

My Rating 5/5

(Though I feel like cutting 0.5 for all the crying and depression!)

Inferno

I got extremely excited from the very moment I heard about the release of another Robert Langdon thriller. As promised it turned out to be a compelling page-turner and kept me amazed till the very end. The apocalyptic thriller has a very strange start as the famous Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon wakes up four thousand miles away from home in Florence- Italy and that too in a hospital with a bullet wound on his head with absolutely no memory of what he is doing there. To add to his misery he finds out that someone is after his life! 

His doctor Sienna brooks helps him in escaping his predator as well as in remembering the purpose of him being in Florence. Meanwhile an assassin, a extremely resourceful businessman- whose organization "The Consortium" specializes in doing complicated things for his clients and the head of WHO, all pursue the whereabouts of Robert Langdon. Trying to hunt him down and seek answers from him. 

On the other hand the professor is bewildered by many questions while he is trying to decipher the mystical codes left by the genius biochemist and an all time fan of Dante- Bertrand Zobrist, who believed that with the current rate of population growth the world is paving its way to an end and is on the verge of collapsing. Which is why he took matters in his own hands and designed a plague in order to save the future. The calamity can only be prevented if the professor is able to connect the dots in time. 

Dante's Death Mask

Dante's death mask serves as a guide to professor as he traveled  from Florence to Venice and from there finally to Istanbul.

The Boboli Garden

Giorgio Vasari's Battaglia di marciana
"cerca trova" (these words serv
e as the first clue for Langdon)

Piazza del Duomo
the famous bapistry

Hagia sophia 

Known as"Gates of Paradise"
are the famous gates of
 pizza del duomo bapistry

Medusa at yerebatan sayari

(Sorry for the chaotic arrangement of pictures I tried my best to organize them but they are very stubborn *sad face*)


The historic references to places like The Boboli Gardens, Palazzo Vecchio , Piazza del Duomo, Hagia sophia and Yerebatan Sayari (to name a few) along with their description and significance is simply fascinating. 

Though I wished that the professor could stop having flashbacks right in between the life & death situations as it kind of pushes the reader over the edge. The book did have its fair share of unexpected twists and turns but their came a point where I found it a bit predictable. One thing I couldn't help noticing is that Mr Langdon is apparently the 007 of the academic world as he always manages to find a smart and a pretty female side kick and even starts to like her but it never ends up into something serious.

Ironically, one of the most compelling mysteries in “Inferno” has nothing to do with the art history nor the future of science but with very real questions about the population explosion and humanity’s responsibility for the Earth. Nevertheless I found it absolutely thrilling, fascinating and intellectually stimulating. It might not be a roller coaster ride but sure was a good read and is highly recommended.

My Favorite Quote

"The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis."

My Rating: 4/5 

Big Girl

Danielle steel is a very familiar name amongst book lovers like me but for some reason I never felt inclined enough to buy any of her books. When I came across this book I had high expectations as the title and description were quite interesting and intriguing. As I started to read, it seemed as if the story might have some major twists & turns in it but sadly that never happened. The pace of the book was kind of slow and the story plot was very common and predictable. Overall i didn't hate it neither am I all for it so my feelings are kind of mixed.

I found the main character i.e Victoria quite relatable and not so fiction-y, which was the highlight for me. She shared a very disturbed realtionship with her parents but had exceptional love for her younger sister despite of the fact that her parents loved & adored her alot more than Victoria and didn't leave a single chance to belittle their elder daughter; whom her father referred to as their "tester cake". Christine (her mother) was a perfect match for a narcissist of Jim's (her dad) proportion. They were a perfect couple and a perfect match. Both had dark hair, enviable lean bodies and killer looks. Their first born turned out to be a chubby baby with blonde hair blue eyes and a pale skin which was a source of disappointment for both of them. But their second daughter Grace was a perfect baby who bored her parents looks and had a petite frame like her mother. They didn't make any effort to hide their undevoted love for grace and despair for victoria. They ridiculed and rejected her when ever possible. 

Victoria never hated Grace despite the obvious prefrence in fact both the sisters loved each other unconditionally. The sad part was how the negative comments made by her parents affected her self image and she believed each word they said like gospel. She was a beautiful girl and had a brain to match but her broad & tall frame made her believe that she was unlovable and ugly. She couldn't wait to go to college, to start a life of her own away from the constant nagging. Her love life was full of tragic experiences which contributed to her negative self image. But in the end her patience bore her good fruit and she found a perfect match which kind of made me teary and happy. The love and bond they shared was definitely worth the wait and is some-what what every girl wants, well atleast I do....*wink*.

So overall, I liked victoria very much but just wished that there was a little bit more substance to the story. So who ever is looking for a light read this might be the book for you. My feelings towards it are somewhat neutral.

The last review I posted was also my first read of the author Sandra Brown and it turned out to be very disappointing. While this was far better but I have to say trying new authors doesn't seem like my thing..! but Guess what I am not going to give up as you never know, the next one you read might add up to your favorites for life  :)

My Rating:3/5

Rainwater

In this post I am experimenting with my writing and reviewing style do let me know whether its a YAY or NAY.

OKAY so this is the very first Sandra Brown book that I have read and from what I've heard Rainwater is quite a different one from her usual writing style. I can't really comment on that, but honestly I was a bit disappointed, as from what I have heard Sandra Brown is an amazing author whose stories captivates you and stays with you for long. Ironically I did not experience all that..ALAS! How sad :(

The start was well set-up. The suspense, the motivation, the time reference ,all laid the necessary build-up to the main story to follow. It starts with an old man recalling a story set in 1934, when the country faced a Great Depression accompanied by drought. The Federal Government came up with a Drought Relief Service, by which they bought cattle from farmers who found it expensive to keep the cattle and those animals unfit for consumption were killed.

Ella ran a boarding house, where she also stayed with her autistic son, Solly. Solly's autism has always been a cause of concern for Ella, but autism didn't have a name then nor was there much research on the topic.  The story is very slow paced. Ella's relationship her boarders and her son were well captured and very well described.

David Rainwater arrives in the story as a mystery. He has an illness, he helps Solly while almost everyone else scoffs him. All of what we see of David Rainwater is through Ella's eyes, so he is as much a gray figure to me initially as he is to Ella.

There is not very much story as in any momentous event that happens. This books is about Ella as she tries to grapple with her feelings as a woman aching to be loved. This book is about Solly as he observes things once and remembers them. This book is about Rainwater as he helps Ella, Solly and even the farmers who are being terrorized by Conrad Ellis, who even has the Sheriff in his pocket.

Although the racial troubles are essential themes of the book, they are more felt along the edges of the story, rather than as a centerpiece. Other than occasionally turning up at certain phases of the story, the racial segregation between the whites and blacks did not feature a prominent presence.

 The book itself is very very slow paced but the ending was very rushed. Even till page 248, I was waiting for something to happen that will give closure to the story. When it does happen, it's all over in a few pages.  There were so many characters whose disposition and bearings should have been summed up. Moreover, although the story started with a pocket watch, there is no mention of it in the story that the old man says.

Overall, this is a very short read, only 256 pages. pretty well researched I must say. If you enjoy character-oriented and relationship-focused themes, this book should be for you. On the other hand, do not expect anything huge to happen, as nothing of monstrous proportions happens till well into the last third of the book. This book is more about the little things that build up to the climax, setting the stage to certain important events.

MY RATING: 2.5/5